Too wired to sleep, too tired to work (it’s 4AM). So I ended up going through my old Facebook messages – a little trip down memory lane.
I’m amazed by three things, really:
1) How many Facebook accounts have closed.
2) How little my “old best friends” keep in contact with me. [I’m not saying that they should, nor am I saying that I feel entitled to human contact. I’m simply amazed/surprised.]
3) Who I used to be. [Which somehow, isn’t all that different from who I am now.]
4 years’ worth of messages… I “archived” about 70% of them, and there’s a lot I’d give to permanently forget about some of them. My old (current?) “crushes”, group projects that could have gone much better (admittedly, or much worse), people with whom I didn’t get along well with, and so on.
Of course, there’s an old saying that goes “everything happens for a reason”. Which I find to be a bit silly, mostly because the implication is along the lines of “bad things happen for good reasons”.
If I were to say “there was an earthquake in Emerald City and 20 people died – that happened for a good reason” I’d sound like a masochist or something. Unless the reason I had in mind was “the tectonic plates shifted”. In that case, I’d just sound stupid. Obviously it’s a bit pompous to compare my past to natural disasters, but in the context of the old saying, the analogy stands.
“computer broke” “happened for a reason”
Okay I lied, there’s a fourth thing:
4a) The subject matter of the messages.
4b) That’s still all I really message people for – or get messaged for.
It was always homework, or school-related, or me “checking in” on someone I’d like to know better.
It’s never really been “hey, I’m feeling lonely right now, up for a chat” or “would you like to get lunch, like, right now”.
It’s always been (and still is) “what were we supposed to read” or “hey, I need help with the homework” – regardless of whether I’m sending or receiving the message.
Does all of this make me a strange sort of shut-in, or just another college student that doesn’t quite have his psyche together? Or one of the oddball high school kids that couldn’t keep his friends? Ah, well. I am who I am, I guess.
… I’m a bit more awake now. I guess I’ll work on Project Exist a little, then.